When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.

I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.

For a degenerate like me, Vegas is like a walk down memory lane. Last time I went to Vegas, I went to my old coke dealer's kid's bar mitzvah.

Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that

I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself.