When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.

If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?

Whiskey will always be a part of my life.

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

I used to be a longshoreman. I didn't go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is.

I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.