Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.

I was always a thin kid; I was an athlete.

The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.

I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself.

I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.

I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.