Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy.

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

I once dealt with a prima donna on a movie set. I won't say who, but his first name is a country. A communist country. Run by Fidel Castro.

Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.

I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.

I was always a thin kid; I was an athlete.