I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.

If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.

I have a bad gambling problem. You're not in show business for 12 years and dress like this without a bad gambling problem.

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.