I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust

When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.

I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs.

Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.

When you did impressions on 'MADtv,' the producers gave you a Walkman that played huge sections of whatever movie was being parodied, with your character's catchphrases recorded on a loop. You'd wear this thing around during rehearsals and for a week listen to the voice you had to impersonate over and over again. It drove all of us crazy.

In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party.

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.