I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking

I had a career before the Stern show, on Mad TV. I was on the first two seasons of that and I got kicked off it because of possession of cocaine.

I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself.

Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.

I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.

It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.