Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.

A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of years ago, A-Rod went to the hospital and promised a dying kid he'd ground out to second for him.

If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.