Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.

My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be.

You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.

I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.

I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs.