Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.

Hugs are great, but - better than drugs? Come on. Let me put it to you this way: I never drove to Harlem at 4 a.m. to get somebody to hug me.

I used to be a longshoreman. I didn't go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is.

I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.

Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.

I quit drinking, and I figure if I go to ten Yankee games this year without drinking I'll save $32,000.