Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.

I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.

I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself.

Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.

But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking