Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do in standup is create spontaneity, somehow; even though you've done this act a million times, you gotta look like you're almost just thinking of it now, to make it entertainer.

It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.

I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.

I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good.

Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.

For a degenerate like me, Vegas is like a walk down memory lane. Last time I went to Vegas, I went to my old coke dealer's kid's bar mitzvah.

All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what Im saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.