Uncyclopedia isn't funny anymore.

We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

You are what you eat.....I've eaten so many fat cunts you wouldn't believe

I've got cheekier with age. You can get away with murder when you're 71 years old. People just think I'm a silly old fool.

I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.

I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat - because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image.