Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.

I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine

This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone."

I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.

Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.