I got ham but I'm not a Hamster

I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.

I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!

But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!"

Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!

If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that's undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.