Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.

I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.

Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit

I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

Contentment is knowing you're right

"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?