Romance is a different word than sexual contact.

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.

The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."

Anecdote: In a controversial way, Comedian and actor Bill Cosby sought to teach his son the pain of being lied to. Convinced his son had been dishonest regarding an issue, Cosby promised that if he told him the truth, he would not hit him. When his son did confess, Cosby did hit him. Seeing his son's shock and hurt, Cosby said he hoped this lesson had deepened his understanding of the anguish generated by a sense betrayal.

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

A father has to do everything in his power to keep a tight ship, even though he knows the crew would like to send him away in a dinghy.

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.