Laughter brings out the child in all of us.

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores.

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

The most important educational vehicle in all life is a parent figure.

I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are."