I did not want to turn to playing golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards.

I brought you in this world, and I can take you out!

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.

My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.

A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child.

If you have a question about anything, the answer can be found in a book somewhere in the library.

I'm not sure if my parents had me because they loved me, or because they wanted someone to watch their other children.