You are not going to 'go forth.' You are going to take that damn hat off and you're going to get a job.

I can't even talk the way these people talk. 'Why you ain't?' 'Where you is?' Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

If you took your child to the dentist and check for cavities, the child likely won't get them. If you take them just for emergency, that's all they're gonna get.

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.

My mother was an authority on pig sties. This is the worst looking pigsty I have ever seen in my life, and I want it cleaned up right now.