Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

In Genesis, it is stated God walked on Earth. He was there on the level. After watching human behavior, he ascended having had enough of us and decided to watch over us instead.

People say "God will find a way." God can't find a way if you're in the way.

Every success story has a parent who says, 'over my dead body.' Every success story has an old person who walks up to you and says, when you're acting the fool, 'you know I worry about you sometimes.'

When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing ... will win arguments and straighten people out.

My children love my mother, and I tell my children, that is not the same woman I grew up with...That is an old woman trying to get into heaven now.

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.