All parents experience the same problems.

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.

You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.

My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.

In your 50s, time becomes precious and must not be wasted. Every minute is an excellent opportunity for a good nap. Happy 50th birthday!

We spoke to God about the children, and we were afraid to ask God for specific things. We thought that it might be too much. So we said to God 'Please give us a healthy child' and left it at that, not knowing that God is a generous God, but also has a sense of humor. And if you leave that much open for God, some wonderful jokes are going to come about.