A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

Most fathers and... Mothers. Only your grandmother and Ghengis Khan know how to do it.

The secret of success is to be like a duck, Smooth and unruffled on top, But paddling furiously underneath.

The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.

For college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don't know what's next.

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.

If you have a question about anything, the answer can be found in a book somewhere in the library.