I'm going out... because I deserve to go out! And I'm going to get drunk... because I deserve to get drunk! And get out of my way!

I want all this loud profanity in the street stopped. I want people to think about choices.

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.

The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."

Some authority on parenting once said, "Hold them very close and then let them go." This is the hardest truth for a father to learn: that his children are continuously growing up and moving away from him (until, of course, they move back in).

One of the great mistakes that can be made by a man of my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children-unless, of course, they are under six. And even then, stay away from hide-and-seek.

Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us.