And to those people with no children but who think they'd like to have them some day to fulfill their lives. Remember: With fulfillment comes responsibility.

You can't compete with Walmart. But you can have smaller businesses that are successful.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play.

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

Fatherhood is asking your son to make up a name rather than tell anybody who he is.

I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"

I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself into the audience and adjust my pace and tuning to them. I can get into their heads through their ears and through their eyes. Only through this total communication can I really achieve what I'm trying to do.