I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.

A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

On many young actors that don't give their parents proper credit: I'm still waiting for some actor to win, say, an Oscar... and deliver the following acceptance speech: I would like to thank my parents, first of all, for letting me live.

A father... knows exactly what those boys at the mall have in their depraved little minds because he once owned such a depraved little mind himself. In fact, if he thinks enough about the plans that he used to have for young girls, the father not only will support his wife in keeping their daughter home but he might even run over to the mall and have a few of those boys arrested.

If you listen carefully to what a child is saying to you, you'll see that he has a point to make. So I listen. And I answer them just as seriously as possible. And if I don't know the answer, I'll tell them I don't know.

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.