We spoke to God about the children, and we were afraid to ask God for specific things. We thought that it might be too much. So we said to God 'Please give us a healthy child' and left it at that, not knowing that God is a generous God, but also has a sense of humor. And if you leave that much open for God, some wonderful jokes are going to come about.

What best defines a child is the total inability to receive information from anything not plugged in.

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.

If you speak your mind and if it is true what you're saying, then I think the integrity of what you're saying carries through.

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.

I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself into the audience and adjust my pace and tuning to them. I can get into their heads through their ears and through their eyes. Only through this total communication can I really achieve what I'm trying to do.