I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

A father has to do everything in his power to keep a tight ship, even though he knows the crew would like to send him away in a dinghy.

The secret of success is to be like a duck, Smooth and unruffled on top, But paddling furiously underneath.

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

There are certain times of the day when you need a balance - that is, your protein and your carbs. I'm a Barry Sears man. I believe that anything green is a carb, and I need 2:1. Two of the carbs to one of the protein.

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.