Some authority on parenting once said, "Hold them very close and then let them go." This is the hardest truth for a father to learn: that his children are continuously growing up and moving away from him (until, of course, they move back in).

It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers.

The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them.

Fatherhood is telling your daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but has special feelings for the ones who eat broccoli.

Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they said, "Let's get high and have fun." So they're high; now they're paranoid. "Am I falling out of this chair?"

Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago!