Some authority on parenting once said, "Hold them very close and then let them go." This is the hardest truth for a father to learn: that his children are continuously growing up and moving away from him (until, of course, they move back in).

I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"

Intellectuals are people who go to study things other people do naturally.

My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.

I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can.

When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first?