I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.

The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form.

The CIA has a plot...they've used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem...is convincing Hussein...to fly to Dallas.

I think it's interesting how people act on their beliefs. A lot of Christians, for instance, wear crosses around their necks. Nice sentiment, but do you think when Jesus comes back, he's really going to want to look at a cross?

Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I'll prove it to you. You're at a ball game or a concert, and someone's really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?

I've had good times on drugs...bad times on drugs...But I've had good and bad relationships...and I'm not giving up pussy.

All your beliefs, they're just that. They're nothing. They're how you were taught and raised. That doesn't make 'em real.