Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus.
Bill HicksA Christian will say... "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.
Bill HicksI was a weekend drinker...I'd start on Saturday, end on Friday...thought I was controlling it...but I don't drink any more.
Bill HicksI got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin' [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] 'good evening everybody, remember me, smoking's bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww. You ever seen somebody do that? I've seen someone do that. Let me tell you something — if you're smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I'd think about quitting. And that's just me, ya know.
Bill Hicks