...love rather than fear...this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope...surely there is hope for us all.

We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad...that's a little bit overdoing it.

No one can give you any answers. There aren't any. You have to discover for yourself-you must learn to navigate the mystery.

Marijuana grows naturally...Don't you think making nature against the law seems a bit, I don't know, unnatural?

I've had seven balls of light come off a UFO...explain to me telepathically we are all one and there's no such thing as death.

On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."

Truly, the only stupid people I've ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.