Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour.

Do I have a message? Yes, I do. Here's my message: as scary as the world is – and it is – it is merely a ride ...

And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?

I was in Australia....Lotta leg room down under. Apartments: dollar a month. 2000-acre den....think of the parties.

You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons - incredible weapons." How do you know that? "Uh, well... we looked at the receipts."

The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form.

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.