Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour.

Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years.

Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day". Yeah, looks like He rushed it

People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn't have, seeing as it's being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.

People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.

Eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions god's infinite love.