Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.

I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.

If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.

People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.

This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.

I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.