Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years.

If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.

I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I'd get pulled over by the cops, I'd be so drunk I'd be out dancing to their lights thinking I'd made it to another club.

On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."

It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me...oxygen tent, iron lung.

I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.

I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.