People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn't have, seeing as it's being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.

Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes--are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God!

We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?

[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'

I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.

Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.