It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.

I've learned a lot about women. I think I've learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we'll never age, we'll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them. And Eve said, Yeah... it's just not enough is it?

Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts...Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.

I was a weekend drinker...I'd start on Saturday, end on Friday...thought I was controlling it...but I don't drink any more.

England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States...23,000 deaths from handguns. But - there's no connection.

Humanity is just a virus with shoes.