I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin' mouth.

Truly, the only stupid people I've ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.

Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.

What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It's gonna be worth it!.

Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.

You watch the news these days? It's unbelievable. You think you just walk out your door, you're immediately gonna be raped by some crack-addicted, AIDS-infected pitbull.

I think it's interesting how people act on their beliefs. A lot of Christians, for instance, wear crosses around their necks. Nice sentiment, but do you think when Jesus comes back, he's really going to want to look at a cross?