All your beliefs, they're just that. They're nothing. They're how you were taught and raised. That doesn't make 'em real.

Sixteen years I've pounded my head against the mentality of America, which...I'd say it's about an 8th grade emotional level.

The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.

Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes--are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God!

I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.

Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-fucking-proposals...and the first thought that enters my mind is, "And I'm not getting laid." What am I doing wrong?

Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.