People are bringing SHOTGUNS to UFO sightings...brings a whole new meaning to that phrase 'You ain't from around here, ar'ya?'

I'm just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.

On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."

It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.

Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.

I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.

I don't identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.