'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style.

The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form.

I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don't know, and I feel it's my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?. . . . Non-smokers die every day . . . Enjoy your evening. See, I know that you entertain this eternal life fantasy because you've chosen not to smoke, but let me be the 1st to POP that bubble and bring you hurling back to reality . . . You're dead too.

But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.

You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.

I believe that the Bible is the literal word of God. And I say no, it's not, Dad. Well, I believe that it is. Well, you know, some people believe they're Napoleon. That's fine. Beliefs are neat. Cherish them, but don't share them like they're the truth.

I was always 'awake'...Some part of me clamoring for NEW insights and NEW ways to make the world a better place.