You watch the news these days? It's unbelievable. You think you just walk out your door, you're immediately gonna be raped by some crack-addicted, AIDS-infected pitbull.

I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]

I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.

Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.

I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin' mouth.

So, it's good to be here, wherever I am.

Billy Ray Cyrus does not smoke. Michael Bolton doesn't...Paula Abdul doesn't...there does seem to be a pattern.