I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.

I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.

I just like to write and then perform.

If I have enough money to support myself, I'll just give stuff away. I just, I want people to see it and I want to be able to do this for a living, you know what I mean? So it's just a balance. If I'm not doing well for five years, then I'm selling stuff, but if I'm doing well and I can afford to give stuff away, I'll always do that.

I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in - and I never went.

I know it's the comedian's instinct to say, "Do it, man, nothing's off-limits! It's cool, bro!" I don't know if that's the answer for me. "Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?" I don't worship comedy; at the end of the day I don't fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.

Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function.