I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

When life gets you down, make a comforter!

The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.

At the time of 'Words, Words, Words,' I'm a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he's entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that's inherently a little bit ridiculous.

Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

Postmodern comedy doesn't work well with very old audiences, because it's making fun of the comedy they enjoy.