People are gonna think that MTV censored me, and they really didn't. I really wanted to try to make a show that didn't rely on offensive, edgy material because I think it was an exercise in trying to write without that. Because I see that as a crutch sometimes and I want to know that I can do something funny and worthwhile without that. And also make a show that my parents would like and that kids could watch with their parents.

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall.

People give me money and I don't know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.

I think comedy has a range, with multiple peaks in different areas. It's like trying to compare Beethoven and the Beatles. Sometimes I hear from people, 'I think you try too hard in your comedy.' And that's what I worry about.

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.