What's that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I'll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don't have a great ear. It's like a tragedy - I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.

Love is all about... whistles.

I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.

I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to.