Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys.

The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

There's a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that's a bit blurred in my mind.