I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I'm not a grown up until everybody realises I'm a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.

I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.

At the time of 'Words, Words, Words,' I'm a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he's entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that's inherently a little bit ridiculous.

Where are all the sour patch parents?