When life gets you down, make a comforter!

I don't consciously try to make things difficult as much as I try to make them a little different. I like all kinds of laughs. I tried to make a show that elicit groans, guffaws, chuckles, boos.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.

I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.