I think comedy has a range, with multiple peaks in different areas. It's like trying to compare Beethoven and the Beatles. Sometimes I hear from people, 'I think you try too hard in your comedy.' And that's what I worry about.

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

I'd really love to make something that doesn't involve my stupid face.

The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.

I'm a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.

I'm friends with a lot of comedians, but we don't talk about material. Most comedians I know don't watch a lot of other comedy.

Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.