All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

I'm happy with what I'm doing. I try not to focus on how I've changed. I just try to focus on what I'm doing now.

I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don't want to construct the show to prove something.