Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.

I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, 'Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast. They must have some special kind of cereal!' My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity.

In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall.

What's that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I'll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.