What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

Postmodern comedy doesn't work well with very old audiences, because it's making fun of the comedy they enjoy.

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.

In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall.

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

I'm a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.