What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.

When life gets you down, make a comforter!

I'm friends with a lot of comedians, but we don't talk about material. Most comedians I know don't watch a lot of other comedy.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.