I'd really love to make something that doesn't involve my stupid face.

Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.

Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop's another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you're talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It's like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

Do you guys like impressions? "Why?" That was Socrates.

I think no matter what you do, a certain amount of people are going to call you a sellout, somehow, you know. If I ever start trying to make a living on it.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.