I'd really love to make something that doesn't involve my stupid face.

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

I'm friends with a lot of comedians, but we don't talk about material. Most comedians I know don't watch a lot of other comedy.

For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

I'm a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.