I'd really love to make something that doesn't involve my stupid face.

People do complain about the way I act on stage... They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop's another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you're talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It's like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.

When life gets you down, make a comforter!

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.