Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.

My first concern is that when you go to a show, you should be present. It's much more exciting to put the camera down and lose yourself in it.

If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys.

I'm very interested in trying to make comedy shows that are a bit bigger, more theatrical, more of a "show." Some people might say I'm trying too hard, but that's a compliment to me. I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.