My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys.

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.

When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.

I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I've enjoyed watching.

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.