I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.

I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it's totally not, which is why I'm trying to get away from it because it's just easy and automatic.

I know it's the comedian's instinct to say, "Do it, man, nothing's off-limits! It's cool, bro!" I don't know if that's the answer for me. "Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?" I don't worship comedy; at the end of the day I don't fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.

What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

The average person has one Fallopian tube.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.