I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.

I've found nothing but support and generosity from older comics. I think comedians are a lot nicer than the stigma is, at least from my experience.

Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.

For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet.

The strange thing with Wikipedia is that the first article that ever gets written about you will define your Wikipedia page forever.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

When things [writing] are over, I always think, 'well, I'm never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I'm going to go be a farmer'. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won't happen.